Sailing Into Unknown Waters...

I married my father's numero uno employee. He had worked for my dad since he was 15 and only stopped by his own choice for a year or so. I married into the ultimate job security. It was a very comforting feeling to know that my husband wasn't going to lose his job. I felt safe, secure and carefree.

Four years into our marriage, I lost my job...but that was okay. My husband still worked for daddy and another one would surely come my way. I was only worried for an hour or so and mostly I think it was just a blow to my pride. I took my time and really sought the Lord to lead me to the right path. I wasn't concerned about how long it took. I was only concerned that I ended up where He wanted me to be. It turned out to be in the opposite direction that I was headed. He picked me up, turned me around, and set me on a completely different path. Praise the Lord He did! I know that I am in the place that God had for me and I couldn't be happier.

Now, the tables have turned and my husband has lost his job. He doesn't work for daddy anymore. The downturn in the economy forced my parents to make a terribly hard decision-they had to let him go. One would think that I would have that same faith and confidence that God is leading him to something better as He did me. Guiding him to fulfill his destiny in a way that only God does. But I do not. I want to so badly, but it leaves as quickly as it comes. My heart knows that our Lord is at work, but my brain is shouting at me things like "It doesn't matter what job it is, just find one" or "There is no way that will provide enough for us."

My security that came from him working for my parents is gone. I have to trust my Heavenly Father now. I have to trust that my husband is seeking Him and listening to His voice. I have to lift him up in prayer to our Father and trust Him at His Word. Why is that so hard to do sometimes. I know I can and I desire to but the worry creeps in. I have to commit every thought and fear to Him and be in His Word so those are the words that come to mind when worry and fear and doubt raise their ugly heads and strike at me.

Oh Lord, thank you for your provision. Thank you for being there for my family and for being there to calm every worry and fear and doubt. Please guide my husband down the path that is in total obedience to You. We love and adore You! Amen.

Wisdom...It's not all about me.

I have been praying for wisdom. I am focusing on James 1 at the moment, it is awesome. I have needed wisdom about a certain thing for a very long time now. It replays in my "thought closet" all day - all of these questions - where, how, what if, i just don't know. I have been waiting for wisdom to swoop in and save the day. And today it did.

However, it didn't swoop in the way I thought it would. I was waiting for it to come from me. To all of the sudden appear in my brain and viola! Problem solved! It appeared, but it came from the mouth of another. I sought wise counsel and it totally quieted the record skipping in my head.

Thank you Lord for giving us wisdom is many shapes and voices. I can't always trust the voices in my head you know!

Hard Choices

Hard choices - life is full of them. Why are they the ones that are so important to make. Wouldn't it be nice if the easy no brainer choices that avoided all thought were the ones that made life what it should be. But, time after time and century after century it is proven that the difficult choices are the ones that are the best choices.

As I "grow up" I am finding this to be so true in life. I find myself longing for the days when my hard choices were which class to take or if it was really worth it for those $40 wrangler jeans. Now my choices are more like - Do I send the kids to public or private school...Can we go on this vacation or pay our bills on time...Do I call about this late bill or just ignore it until I can pay it...just to name a few.

Today I made a hard phone call. I have been putting it off for awhile. It was humbling and didn't provide me with an immediate answer, but it did provide me with a peace and calm inside my soul. I knew it was the right thing to do but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Life with God can be that way. When confronted with ourselves we have no choice but to just say - Yes Lord, I messed up and I need Your grace - please give me your grace. I am often tempted to view God as a Just Father - which He is. But as Just as He is, he is equally Loving and full of Grace and Mercy. I cannot fathom how justice and grace can exist in such a perfect balance and be extended to me - an unworthy sinner. Oh, how grateful I am for it. just when I think I have really done it this time, my Heavenly Father swoops in and picks me up. He is so faithful.